*Stretches lusciously*
Ahhh...it's been a rrreally long time since my fingers set "foot" here...
Kombawa, Minna-san!
The latest updates is that I FINALLy get to watch Fruits Basket!
(Bonzai~~!!!)
And as usual, I have another fav character... KYO-KUN~~~!!!!!!♥♥♥
Anyways, there has been major chances in my manga drawing.
I can't draw...anymore.
*cries uncontrollably*
I have absolutely NO IDEA WHY!!!
The skill is..is...it's GONE!
Vanished, disappeared, kaboom, gone...
just like that...
I have no idea what to do.
Manga is my passion, my dream, my mind, my heart, my soul...its my LIFE itself!
It's the only thing that keeps me going on in life!
But I CAN'T Keep whining on and on about it.
People will hate me for that.
I have to do SOMETHING!
Anything.
Help.
Please.
...
Anyone
.................................................................................
*shakes head furiously*
W-well...where was I?
Oh.
Yeah
I don't know!
WAKARANAI!!!
But I need help.
I need a sensei.
Keh. Where can I find a sensei?
Perhaps I can post this major, crushing problem on the Net?
And hope for people to answer my question?
...
Well.
Then..to those who are reading this, please, PLEASE write in your suggestions to how I can save my skill from being lost forever. (Aww...geez. What's the point. No one would even bother...)
I am going to write a letter to God anyway.
I'm not really good with verbal speech and prayer.
So perhaps, God would understand.
Maa...He ALREADY understands.
But perhaps writing the note would ensure me that God fully understands my feelings and that the letter can help me fully express what is within me.
...
Well, that IS if no one touches the paper.
*clears throat*
Okay then.
Another thing to rant on is...
Friends
Before that blasted PSLE, Reba-chan has been too busy to talk with me.
*nods* yup. That I can understand.
But now, PSLE is over and I get that awful feeling that she doesn't like me at ALL.
Okay, maybe not TOTALLY.
But...maybe she finds me irritable to talk to.
She doesn't seem to want to chat anymore.
Am I annoying?
If I asked people they'd "kindly" reply : "Of course not!"
But I know.
They are thinking : "Ugh. Not
her
again!"
I'm a horrible person.
Too negative and pessimistic.
Hate the human-race and wishing never to be born.
Grumbling, whining,freaking, foul-mouthed, ugly b**** I am.
...
I WANT to bring JOY into this world.
I want to be a nice person.
A person whom people likes.
Whom people can be proud to call as a "friend"
...
But oh, yeah???
Me?
A 'friend' whom people can be proud of???!!!
*Spits*
If I can ever be like that...
I will be proud to call myself ... 'alive'.
I want to be a kind person.
I try.
I can't.
I don't know how to.
I can't force it...
Kindness must be a willing act, not because you want someone to like you.
I mean, how many people on Earth can give selflessly?
How many?
How many can put others first before themselves???!!!
How many can part with those filthy scraps of paper we call 'money'to help others?
(No offences, I'm fine with money but people turn...different because of it.)
How many can share what's little and scarce with others?
>.<
I HAVE NEVER MET ANYONE LIKE THAT AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to be kind, but it's simply not 'Me'.
This is a quote from Honda Toru in Fruits Basket:
"A person is not born with kindness.
Their innate traits are : Greed, gluttony, the wish to posses...
In other words, they are only the basic surviving instincts.
Kindness is the same as growing up, it's like the mind that grows inside oneself.
It's a conscience.
That's why everyone has a different shape of kindness"
I haven't thought of what kind of 'shape' my 'kindness' is.
Maybe...maybe I don't have Kindness?
...
..
.
I-I'm confused
........
Confused.
*shakes head*
Sorry for spacing out!
Anyway, I realized that I have difficulty spouting vulgarities. (which is definitely good)
Whenever I want to say something bad, my tongue will curl up and make the words incoherent.
I take that as a good thing, as now I find it ... so...
...
you know, to speak vulgarities.
I can't describe that feeling.
It's dark and it makes me feel really uncomfortable.
Of course, the occasionally "Kuso" and "Baka" is okay...
When used in mock teasing purposes.
...
Maaaa~~~~~~~~ Why do I keep rambling on and on about these stuff that will never give me a decent responce?
>.<
*sighs deeply*
I wish there was someone who could show me the right path to walk.
To tell me what to do.
But then...would life be too simple that way?
It-it's not possible is it?
For someone to show you the correct path.
For someone to bring out the things inside you that is buried so,
so
deeply in one's heart?
*shakes head*
Man...what the ____ am I muttering at again?
And also, I'm having a difficult time wondering whether i should type out my novel or figure out how to draw Manga.
I was planning to finish the novel by this year but something is obstructing me.
Manga Art is.
But I can't draw, but I want to type out.
But my typing of the novel is going to affect on the amount of time left to understand the drawing skill problem.
But not typing the novel and not having a clue on how to draw is only wasting all the precious time I have left.
...
I feel like it's the end of the world!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Am I just antagonizing myself with these thoughts or am I subconsciously making such an easy question difficult???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT TO DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
